Last night I was walking home from the strip club when gunshots rang out. I turned to find a group of eastern european teenagers laughing and toying with several large and danrgerous firearms.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” I shouted at them.
They just laughed and told me to go to hell, firing several [...]
Entries from May 2008
May 28, 2008
Death at Night
May 27, 2008
Washington D.C. is Decadent and Depraved
Anna and I checked into the Manderin Oriental – Washington D.C. on Friday afternoon. We were there for a conference on blogging and the internet and I was scheduled to make the keynote speech at 7 pm that night. Naturally, after we got settled, we ordered room service – steak tartar and a case of Miller [...]
May 22, 2008
A Business Meeting
I just got out of an important business meeting with important corporate executives, investors and consultants. I am in negotiations to sell the rights to my blog to a powerful and ruthless media conglomerate; it’s head with whom I share many personal traits. He is a pitiless and brutal man who takes pleasure in sadistic violence [...]
May 20, 2008
Sex Tourism w/ Crossly
I have joined Crossly on only one of his sex trips, to a small fishing community in Thailand which was home to a particularly well respected – at least within the industry – sex camp. I spent most of the week with a local elderly shaman hunting for ghosts of tsunami victims along the shore while [...]
May 8, 2008
Williamsburg, Prostitutes and Public Suicide
I write to you now from a AmericINN hotel in southern Indian. Blor and I have decided to drive to Las Vegas so he can commit suicide publicly using a chainsaw, and I see no reason to stop him. Needless to say I am bored and sitting in a weird and filthy hotel room. I [...]
May 6, 2008
Sharing a Vodka Soda with Blor
Last night Blor and I sat down to have drinks at a local pub called Horse Blood. I had a vodka soda and Blor ordered something called a Queen Larry, a dark red drink which I had never heard of. Naturally, considering the violence and devestation of the previous day, he was in a reflective mood and [...]
May 5, 2008
Darkness at Noon
Tragedy has struck the Blor Marijuana farm in the form of a shocking act vigilante terrorism. The trouble began at noon. Kevin and I were in the fields searching for a rare form of psychotropic slug and discussing the NFL draft when the peace was shattered by screams coming from the Blor family residence. We departed at once, using Kevin’s golf cart to cut [...]
May 2, 2008
Summer Plans
Early tomorrow morning I leave via train to my half brother Kevin’s marijuana farm in Kentucky. My contempt for city life has grown exponentially in the past month and, lacking the funds for a true spiritual journey to northern Canada, I have opted for the next best thing. Kevin is a strange bird, a hippy, [...]
May 1, 2008
Puppy Mill
Last night I was taking a bath when the phone rang. It was my good friend Don Child.
“Where have you been! I’ve been calling all night.”
“I had to take a nap. I had a long day at the office.”
“A nap? You lazy fucking sloth! You fucking pig! You’re in the bath right now aren’t you? [...]
